Friday 30 July 2010

Waiting is the hardest

On Tuesday I went to see a surgeon to discuss the next move.  He could not find the lump himself and would not let me show him.  His reasoning, that he would have to be able to find it himself to perform the surgery, which makes sense I guess. His plan will be to remove the lesion closest to the surface of the skin.  Then he will send it to either Saskatoon or Edmonton's laboratory for analysis.  First he will talk with the radiologist, who made up the MRI report, have him mark on the films exactly where the lesions are, once he has that information he will book me for a local surgery to remove one lesion. 

He does not want to miss getting the lesion or accidentally cut through it and damage the tissue.  He needs to obtain enough tissue for the laboratory to use dye on the sample.  At least that is what I understood him to say.  He left Richard and I with the impression that he would contact us within a day or two, now I realize we were wanting to hear, that there would not be much of a wait. 

I was concerned on talking with the surgeon that he knows nothing at all about Spindle Cell Sarcoma, that he was talking about trying to get all the lesions out with enough tissue.  Again maybe I was not really understanding what he was saying... although Richard was with me and heard the same.

I phoned my family Doctor to discuss my concerns.  She explained that this surgeon would only be doing the first surgery in order for us to get a biopsy.  If it does show positive then he would not be doing any further surgery but I would be referred to the cancer clinic and their specialists.  My Doctor did say that their concern is one lesion that is really deep and against the main artery.

It is Friday and no follow up phone call from the surgeon,this is a long week-end which means Tuesday is now the earliest I will hear anything.  I would be lying if I said I was doing fine, I'm very stressed, 1'm not sleeping very well without sleeping pills and what felt like, and still feels like, one lump is four lesions with a possible four more, can that be nothing?

Thursday 22 July 2010

MRI Results

What do I say?  I already knew that x-rays and ultrasounds would show nothing definitive if any thing at all.  I've been down this road before twelve - thirteen years ago where everything was tried to relieve me of nerve pain in my foot.  It took exploratory surgery in 1998 to find the spindle cell sarcoma, a very small tumor.  A year later the same pain the same sort of surgery and more of the same spindle cell sarcoma.  Another year would go by when I decided to have a below the knee amputation.

Now here I am ten years later I've had the ultrasound, the x-ray and now the MRI... the only definitive tool for what I think is the problem... the only diagnostic tool that would show the abnormal cells that could be in my right arm.  I noticed the small lump on the inside edge of my right elbow some time ago but it did not start to bother me until just recently.

I have a new Doctor who did not waste anytime getting me set up with the necessary tests.  She has contacted the cancer centre in Saskatoon, I have signed a document so she can obtain all my files in regard to my previous diagnosis of spindle cell sarcoma and surgeries.  This Doctor has done more for me in the few weeks I've been her patient than the whole time with the one before her.

OK... so what is the diagnoses?  I have four measurable lesions, all of them are under 1 cm in size, one is in the "subcutaneous tissues medially at the level of the medial epicondyle" (I think this is the one I can feel).  The second lesion is ill-defined and superolaterally to the first lesion "this lesion is not  as discrete and contains mixed T1 and T2 signal" nearly touching the brachial artery.  The third lesion is seen at the level of the midradial head, in the transverse plane.  This lesion is 0.5 cm anterior to the radial nerve.  There is a suspected fourth lesion.  There are also four small foci of ill-defined enhancement... which may represent additional lesions.  The body of the report and the summery don't quite match up... so will have to wait and see what I am eventually told after surgery.

The document is in much more detail most of which I don't understand.  It talks of the  enhancement and characteristics and ROI measurements all of which means very little to me.  The final recommendation in consideration of my prior history of spindle cell sarcoma... "as well as the dense enhancement some of these lesions demonstrate, certainly metastatic  disease would have to be considered, and histologic  sampling with a view to complete excision of as many of these lesions as is technically feasible or possible is suggested, particularly as they may or may not all represent the same process."

So there you have the diagnosis, I have not imagined the lump, it is real.  Is it spindle cell sarcoma again?  I don't know and won't know until a biopsy has been performed.  I expect to hear from a surgeon in a few days with a date for my surgery. 

This morning at 5:00 I had my panic attack and at 6:30 I shed tears. 

Now I wait for the first phone call... then the results... then????

My trust is in my Saviour, Jesus Christ; He has never given me more then I can handle.

Saturday 17 July 2010

The Trip Home

I know this is a couple of weeks late.  We left Grand Marais on the Wednesday morning the weather was nice.  Our plan, to drive as far as Duluth and shop at JC Penney's taking advantage of their big June sale.  We have usually caught this sale on the last week-end and have always been happy with our purchases.  This time it was early in the sale and there were racks of clothes for under $5, I purchased three dress jackets at $5 each and at least 5 skirts for the same price.  These items will serve me well at work, added to this were blouses that will complete the outfits.  We headed to DSW shoes so I could purchase new runners, we did not get as good a deal as we have in past years so I only purchased one new pair this time.  We did not stay in Duluth for the night but turned our noses towards home.

We took highway 2 home and the weather became hotter and hotter.  As I have mentioned in earlier posts, our generator would not continue running so we could not run our main A/C and the dash a/c is not very strong so did not keep up.  I'm not sure where we parked that night but I know we were tired, grubby and extremely hot.





I took these three pictures while we traveled the sky was absolutely gorgeous.  In the 2nd picture you can see the lines of dark clouds it looked as if someone had painted lines across a pink sky, the pictures do not do it justice.  The last picture is just before we hit a swarm of bugs that would have made this picture impossible to take through the front windshield.

 We parked as usual  in a Walmart parking lot.  We spent time in the store just to cool down and when I could walk no longer I left Richard to grocery shop, purchasing items that we cannot get in Canada.  Having no power meant the fridge did not go to gas power so we tried to open the door as little as possible.  In the morning we headed out again hoping the weather would cool off just a little, it did not, if anything it was hotter than the previous day.  Our plan was to reach Minot and find the truck stop where we knew they had plug-ins, at least they did have about seven years ago.  We made it to Minot, I was over heated and we really needed to cool our motor home down.  The truck stop was found and yes they did still have plug-ins but they no longer allowed people to use them.  Richard was directed to talk with the manager or owner, I don't remember which, they did concede and said we could plug in for one hour.  For those who know how big a 35 ft motor home is you will know that one hour will only take the temperature down a couple of degrees at best.  I spent that hour sitting directly under the line of cold air from the unit, I had to get my body temperature down or have heat stroke.

The hour past all to quickly and now we had to decide did we park for that night or head out and try to at least hit the boarder.  Our choice, to keep going.  We stayed on highway 2 until we could turn north to pick up number 6 in Saskatchewan, heading towards Regina.  We reached the boarder and we met our first ever human Canadian Customs Official, we could not have wished to deal with a nicer person.  Usually we find Canadian Customs people very officious and they all appear to like to give returning Canadians a rough time when returning home, but this guy was wonderful and made our moods a lot calmer than they had been for a good many miles due to the heat that we were suffering.

It was evening when we crossed over into Canada.  A wind began to pick-up and really buffet us about, Richard was struggling to keep our unit on the road.  We were watching a phenomenal lightening storm off in the distance but as Regina came closer so did that storm.  Over to the NW the clouds seemed to be  suspended just above the ground.  When the rain hit it hit hard, with winds still pounding us the rain, sheets of water, the wipers could not keep up with the amount of water that was coming down.  Richard decided that we would have to pull to the side and sit this storm out.  As we were slowing down we saw a side turning and pulled into this, there was a vehicle stopped on this road and Richard wound down his window and asked them what was up ahead as we needed to sit out the storm.  We were told it was just a clearing with grain bins and that they too were just parked to watch the storm.  We drove a few more yards and saw the clearing turning the motor home around and tucking in behind these bins we waited out the storm.  Actually we went to bed and slept for about five hours.

The rest of our trip home was uneventful.  The crops were almost none existent the further north we traveled and the amount of standing water in the fields increased.  (On Sunday we were told that they had had basically three weeks of rain.)  We arrived home, tired, grubby, having had no power in order to use the water, a day earlier than expected.  It was only Friday morning.  We emptied as much as we needed from the motor home.  Plugged her into the house power and went in to the house to relax.

Little did we know that in a few hours we would witness yet another storm as fierce as the one the previous evening which would cause thousands of dollars worth of damage to trees and buildings in East Hill and East Flats of Prince Albert, that afternoon and early evening.  I did not think that I would see rain like that two days in a row.  The winds were upwards of 90 miles an hour.  We only lost one branch of one of our trees and very little water in the basement.  Many did not fair as well.

What an end to three wonderful weeks of vacation.