Friday, 30 July 2010

Waiting is the hardest

On Tuesday I went to see a surgeon to discuss the next move.  He could not find the lump himself and would not let me show him.  His reasoning, that he would have to be able to find it himself to perform the surgery, which makes sense I guess. His plan will be to remove the lesion closest to the surface of the skin.  Then he will send it to either Saskatoon or Edmonton's laboratory for analysis.  First he will talk with the radiologist, who made up the MRI report, have him mark on the films exactly where the lesions are, once he has that information he will book me for a local surgery to remove one lesion. 

He does not want to miss getting the lesion or accidentally cut through it and damage the tissue.  He needs to obtain enough tissue for the laboratory to use dye on the sample.  At least that is what I understood him to say.  He left Richard and I with the impression that he would contact us within a day or two, now I realize we were wanting to hear, that there would not be much of a wait. 

I was concerned on talking with the surgeon that he knows nothing at all about Spindle Cell Sarcoma, that he was talking about trying to get all the lesions out with enough tissue.  Again maybe I was not really understanding what he was saying... although Richard was with me and heard the same.

I phoned my family Doctor to discuss my concerns.  She explained that this surgeon would only be doing the first surgery in order for us to get a biopsy.  If it does show positive then he would not be doing any further surgery but I would be referred to the cancer clinic and their specialists.  My Doctor did say that their concern is one lesion that is really deep and against the main artery.

It is Friday and no follow up phone call from the surgeon,this is a long week-end which means Tuesday is now the earliest I will hear anything.  I would be lying if I said I was doing fine, I'm very stressed, 1'm not sleeping very well without sleeping pills and what felt like, and still feels like, one lump is four lesions with a possible four more, can that be nothing?


Laura said...

Waiting is so very hard....if you can try and keep busy, that always seems to help. I've been praying for you, as I am sure you have been, too. God already knows what is coming...a sigh of relief or another fight against cancer. Either way, He is still there with you, providing for you in all your bodily needs...and still loving you and forgiving you in His Word and the sacraments. It is times like these that God has a way of drawing us so close Him...I know that is where your comfort will come from and I am relieved, as your friend, to know that you believe that too. I'll be waiting here, too...

Ronnie said...

Thanks Laura;
I can't even imagine going through this without my faith and trust that God already knows what is ahead and is here with me and Richard as he watches me go through this once more.