On Monday I finally had a well earned massage. Knowing how beneficial a massage is to my mobility I can't believe I have not had one for two years. The only reason I can give for not keeping up a regular routine is just that I worked full-time and once home it was hard to get me to go out again. Not a very satisfying excuse I must admit. It seems the older I get the less I want to do out of the house. Which is really stupid on my part because I'm a strong extrovert and keep my batteries charged by being around other people.
When I've been out visiting I come home full of energy and ready for anything; but yet I find myself reluctant to go out on my own. I leave Richard to run the majority of the errands preferring not to bother.
Another thing I have noticed over the last few years is my reluctance to get involved in things. Yet new is good considering we have moved from Edmonton, AB to MacNutt, SK to Nipigon, ON and now Prince Albert, SK all since 1999.
When we moved to MacNutt I made every effort to make friends with people in the area. I made of point of going to their homes for coffee and meeting at the local coffee house at least once or twice a week. I was active and made lots of new friends. That was the last time I have made such an effort. In Nipigon it was a whole new kettle of fish. It seemed people weren't as forth coming and the dropping in at each other's homes didn't seem to be the thing to do. Then I began working full-time so it took me out of the loop completely. Slowly over the next four and a half years I became more and more a recluse.
Now here we are in a new location with a chance to start afresh and make new friends, but I'm reluctant to venture out on my own. I have a good excuse, Richard takes the car every morning to the church so I don't have any wheels. I can't use that excuse in the afternoon and I more often than not tell Richard no I won't go shopping with him I'll just stay home. I've become afraid to venture out on my own to make new friends.
I always thought I made friends easy and that I was a likable person, that I was easy going, but maybe I'm not who I thought I was. Maybe I've always struggled but never really noticed because when your young you don't think about these things. Then the children come along and you have something in common with the other mothers and neighbours and life is busy. Then the children are gone and you have to make the effort to make friends. It's easy when you work because then you have co-workers and the need to be around others is taken care of by work interactions. Of course if you stay in one place for most of your life then you do retain the friends you made over the various stages of that life, but that hasn't been an option for me.
When I emigrated to Canada I had to start afresh making new friends, but it was not difficult because at first I worked, then I had the children. It is moving now when you have an empty nest that the struggle starts. Three and a half years in one location then you move and you spend five years there and now here I am once more in a new place. I must admit I'm running scared. Will people really like me? Do they want to be my friend? Should I work and make friends that way? Should I insist Richard walk to work and leave me the car?
It's so much easier just to stay at home. I'm not going to get hurt that way, or am I? I've made the first step, I now have a regular scheduled massage appointment every two weeks. It's a new beginning.